A relationship without expectations is a healthy thing for various reasons.
The main one is that you do not end up dependent upon anyone else for your happiness.
You create it for yourself.
Then you choose to share it with other people.
This post is 3 of 5 in the series: Loving Without Expectations.
Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not ‘I love you’ for this or that reason, not ‘I love you if you love me.’ It’s love for no reason, love without an object. Ram Dass
1. Dependent versus Healthy Relationships
If you have ever thought you couldn’t live without someone, only to have them vanish on you, you were in an unhealthy dependent relationship full of expectations.
People will come and go in our lives, but you are with yourself forever.
This means you need to have a healthy relationship with yourself first, trying to be your best self and living your best life.
Unfortunately, many people seek validation outside of themselves.
They look, dress and act in a certain way in order to be accepted by others. Those who have difficult childhoods in particular often look for love in all the wrong places because they don’t understand their true worth.
Every one of us is a unique individual with intrinsic worth.
By working on any issues you may have before you start to form romantic relationships, you will have far fewer unrealistic expectations.
You won’t need anyone to “complete you” or “get you”—you can just enjoy the company of others without demanding anything from them.
2. The Freedom to Love
In exchange, you won’t need to constantly try to meet others expectations and always feel as though you are falling short.
If you are the type of person who is a “people pleaser” and says “yes” when you really mean “no,” you owe it to yourself to stop giving in to other’s demands if they take you away from your center and mission of living your best life.
3. The Value of Truthfulness
One study has shown that we lie dozens of times a day.
Most of the time they are considered to be little white lies that seem harmless. They are often told in order to spare someones feelings.
However, over time, those little white lies can snowball into an avalanche of issues because problems are not being dealt with—due to the expectation that no one is going to rock the boat in the relationship.
However, lying all the time is not the best way to preserve any relationship and it can impose a range of unreasonable expectations most people can do without.
By choosing honesty in everything you do, you will attract a similar quality of person. A life of integrity is better than a life of compromise.
When you do tell others the truth, you do so with compassion.
When your best friend asks if the vertical striped dress makes them look fat, you tell them the truth—that pinstripes are more slimming. If someone gives you a hideous gift, thank them for the thought, but ask if they can return it if it comes from a shop, and make a donation to your favorite charity instead.
4. Avoid Ideas of Perfection
Another reason that a relationship without expectations is healthier is that you can get rid of the notion of perfection and “shoulds.”
No one is perfect, so once you understand this, you can be a lot more tolerant and forgiving.
5. Less Need for Forgiveness
In fact, the need for forgiveness should become a thing of the past.
If you have no expectations, no one can let you down, so there will be nothing to forgive.
You won’t feel like you are using each other in a relationship, and you won’t feel the need to nag, bargain, or coax the other person, or have them do the same to you.
Above all, there will be no need to try to change yourself or others.
You can offer unconditional love, and enjoy it in return.
Read more from this series on Loving Without Expectations.